Monday, December 13, 2010

10 Ways to Not Piss Off Your Bartender

It is a fact of life in the service industry that you will have to deal with a certain amount of shit. However, it never ceases to amaze me the level of stupidity and inconsideration of which some people are capable. Therefore, I have made a list of some things not to do when in a bar. I hope that it is helpful for those who may have had the misfortune of being raised by wild dogs.

10 Ways To Not Piss Off Your Bartender

1) Do not ask "What beers do you have on tap?" Unless you are at an ale house that has tons of different beers on tap, there is no need. Taps are usually in plain sight, so stop being lazy and read them yourself.

2) Do not ask "What would you like to make me?" If you don't know what you want, don't bother me. And for the record, I'd like to make you a Corona.

3) If it's busy, I am not going to be happy to make you a mojito. It is one of the most annoying drinks on the face of the planet. Whoever invented the mojito should be dragged out into the street, covered in mint leaves, and shot!

4) Unless your name is Dane Cook, Dave Chapelle, or Chris Rock, please do not try to impress me with your "witty" lines. Chances are, you're not funny and I have probably heard whatever you have to say fifty times prior.

5) Do not expect me to be a marriage counselor, therapist, financial advisor, bookie, comedian, or acrobat. I'm here to make drinks. If you want a show, the circus will be here in March.

6) Do not frantically wave me down, as if you're going to die if you don't get a drink, then when I get to you say, "I don't know what I want." Again, if you don't know what you want don't bother me. (See #2)

7) If you see me helping another customer, do not butt in and start ordering things. It's RUDE, plain and simple.

8) Do not ask me, "Do you make a good____?" Even if I know a certain drink sucks when I make it, I'm certainly not going to tell you that. Unless it's a mojito, in which case I hope you will be dissuaded from ordering one.

9) Do not think that because you are a good tipper that you are God. While a generous tip is always appreciated, a holier than thou attitude is not.

10) Do not bang on the bar, whistle, yell, or act like you're hailing a taxi to get my attention. Trust me, I see you. It's my job to see you and I will get to you as soon as I can. These behaviors will only prolong your wait for a drink.

BONUS: TIP!!! If you don't, please believe that you will be the last person I serve the next time you try to order a drink.

Hope this helps. LOL

BN bitchy_nikki03@yahoo.com