I knew the day
would come; it was pretty much inevitable.
Yet, I still felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach the moment I
got the phone call. My best friend was
engaged. When I got off the phone, I
cried. Oh, and not one sweet, solitary, I'm
so happy tear. No, these were my
puppy just died tears. Now, I know
what you're thinking: An engagement is good news, right? Well, yes and no.
I firmly believe there are certain
moments in life that regardless of age, cause normally rational adults to
revert into children. For me it is
getting sick. When I am sick, I return
to the age of six and all I want is for my mother to fawn over me until I am
better. For women, the moment you find
out your BFF is engaged is another one of these times. Yes, you're happy for her (assuming the guy
is not an asshole), but your inner child is thinking: You're going to go off
and get married and now I will have no one to play with. Admittedly, this is an immature and
somewhat selfish thought, but it happens. For women, your BFF is your other half. You picked out your first training bras
together, rehashed the gory details of every date and have probably made some
very memorable bad decisions together (drinking raspberry vodka in a parking
lot in the dead of winter… sounds good).
Now, someone else is seemingly stepping in to replace you as
"partner in crime."
There is a reason the movie Bridesmaids
was so popular with women. Of course,
the cast was fantastic, but the movie explored an issue that many female
friendships go through. For those who
have not seen the movie, Kristin Wiig's character must cope with her best
friend's (played by Maya Rudolph) impending nuptials. She does not handle the situation well and
hilarity ensues, but the fear of the friendship changing is something to which
most women can relate. Granted,
relationships change over time, but when it comes to the sacred BFF bond the
thought of those changes can prove quite unsettling.
Female friendships are source of
love and support. No offense to romantic
relationships, but your girlfriends are often the first phone call when
something major goes down, good or bad.
Studies have actually been conducted and found what women have known for
years: having strong female friendships boosts your emotional health. Your friends literally help in keeping you
sane. Now, one of the people who has
played such a major role in your life is taking on a new role: wife.
So what can be done?
There is no doubt that the
relationship will change. In a way, it
has to and both parties have to be cognizant of these changes. There must be a concerted effort on each side
to keep the connection going. Those spontaneous
nights of debauchery will likely be more planned and less spontaneous. That's okay.
Like any relationship, friendships experience different phases; they must
grow and evolve as the people in them do.
Your friend is probably experiencing
her own bit of anxiety as well. Toward
the end of Bridesmaids, the bride-to-be (Rudolph) confesses that she too
is concerned about the future of both her romantic relationship and her
friendships. Committing yourself to
another person (hopefully) for the rest of your life is a huge deal, plus it is
freaking scary. Your friend may be
worried about how they are going to juggle the title of wife along with every
other title they already have (i.e. daughter, friend, etc.). That brings along its own type of
stress. So, cut your girl some slack.
The engagement phone call unsettled
me in a way I did not expect. To be
clear, I love my best friend dearly. She
has stood by me through some of through worst moments in my life and I would
never begrudge her any happiness. I do
worry about how our relationship will change in the future; there will be some
bumps I am sure, but I think we will be okay.
We have to be. Who else is going
to run barefoot through Midtown Manhattan in the rain with me? Or, blow off work to drink beer on the beach
all day?
So, when that day comes, I will
celebrate and support her as she has done for me countless times in the
past. And, I will take solace in the
fact that marriage may be for life, but partners in crime are forever.
**Author's Note: I did not actually cry. That part was only added for dramatic effect. I firmly believe that crying is only appropriate for death and Lifetime movies.**
